More tears from my teen clients about this than anything else this week

This week, both in the therapy room, talking to parents, and at home with my own girls, I’ve been struck by something that feels deeply concerning.

Schools have become stricter than ever on uniform rules - stricter in a way I’ve never seen before. What’s going on?

And I don’t mean just “shirt tucked in” or “where’s your tie.” I mean:

Students sent into “pods” to remove make-up under supervision.
Lifting items of clothing so teachers can check what shirts are worn and that socks don’t have logos.
Girls told their tights are the “wrong” shade of black (!)
Boys told their hair is too long (I kid you not!)
Rules stating that girls’ hair must be tied up all day, no exceptions.

I couldn’t make it up if I tried.

When did we decide that this level of surveillance and control was normal?

The impact I’m seeing

I’ve had more young people walk into my therapy room in tears or anger this week because of uniform policing than because of lessons, friendships, or home issues.

Imagine being 11, just starting secondary school, anxious about fitting in and being pulled out of class because your lashes are “too long.” Or sitting in isolation because your concealer (applied to hide acne scars) is “against policy.”

There is NO research anywhere that suggests these rules improve mental health, learning outcomes, or identity development. None.

Yet schools seem hell-bent on stamping out individuality at a stage of life when identity exploration is not just important, it’s vital.

Why this matters for teens

Teenagers need to try things out. That might be a new hairstyle, a different shade of make-up, or a hoodie that feels “them.”

It’s not vanity - it’s development. It’s how they work out who they are, how they fit in with peers, how they stand out just enough.

When schools clamp down on every expression of individuality, they send a powerful message: conform, don’t question, don’t express.

That has a cost. I’m seeing more anxiety, more school refusal, more frustration, more tears. Young people who feel ashamed of themselves before they’ve even had a chance to learn anything that day.

The double standard

And here’s what makes me really angry: these same schools then hold “mental health” assemblies.

They invite motivational speakers to tell students to “be yourself.”
They run campaigns about kindness and authenticity.

But what’s the point of telling kids to “be themselves” when they can’t even keep a fringe in place the way they like, or wear the mascara that stops them feeling like a ghost?

It’s hypocrisy. And our children see straight through it.

Bullying is real - but so is over-policing

Yes, bullying exists. I’ve supported many teens who have been targeted for how they look.

But clamping down on everyone isn’t the solution. Blanket rules don’t stop bullying - they just punish the whole community for the actions of a few.

And ironically, these rules create new avenues for bullying. A child pulled out in front of peers for “breaking” uniform code isn’t being protected, they’re being humiliated.

What’s really going on?

If I had to guess, I’d say some schools are trying to “look good.”

A strict uniform policy is easy to enforce and makes for neat photos in the prospectus. It’s a visible tick-box: see, we run a tight ship.

But the cost is invisible.

The cost shows up in therapy rooms like mine, where I sit across from exhausted teens who no longer want to walk through the school gates because they’re tired of being scrutinised, corrected, shamed.

And parents feel it too. I hear it daily: “I don’t know how to convince my child to keep going when every morning feels like a battle over socks or eyeliner.”

What I’d say to schools

If I could speak directly to schools, I’d say:

Stop pretending uniform rules are about mental health, they’re not.
Remember that personality and self-expression are not distractions, they’re learning tools.
Ask yourself whether pulling a child out of lessons to check their socks is really helping them thrive.
If you care about wellbeing, put your energy into making young people feel seen, safe, and respected, not identical.

And to parents…

If your child is struggling with this, please know you’re not alone.

The frustration you feel is valid.
The confusion they feel is valid.

The tears in the morning when they just want to be accepted - valid.

These aren’t small things. They chip away at confidence, and over time, they can shape how teens view authority, learning, and even themselves.

This is why, in my work, I spend so much time helping teens and parents build identity and grounding skills. Because when the outside world says “conform,” our children need inner strength to hold onto who they are.

Resources for you

I write about this in both of my books:

And if you’d like to talk through what’s happening in your home right now, I offer a free call to talk things through.

It’s a chance to share your concerns, ask questions, and explore ways forward without pressure.

Because while I can’t single-handedly change school policies, I can help you and your teen weather the storm, with confidence, with calm, and without losing the spark that makes them unique.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk!

Have a good week!
Laura x

If something doesn’t feel quite right — if you’re wondering whether this is “just a phase” or something more — let’s talk.

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Why school uniform policing is harming mental health