What Teens Wish Their Parents Knew
They’re not pushing you away, they’re checking you’re still there.
Teenagers are brilliant at pretending they don’t care.
Don’t need you.
Don’t want to talk.
But if you could sit in the therapy room with me, week after week, you’d hear something different. You’d hear the quiet truths they rarely say out loud but so badly want you to know.
Here’s what I hear all the time from teens. And if you’re parenting one right now, I promise this insight will make a difference.
“I need you to listen without jumping in.”
I’m not asking you to fix it, at least not straight away.
I want you to hear me.
Really hear me.
I need empathy. I need you to pause and think about how it feels for me.
My friend fallout? That’s the biggest thing in my world right now. Just listen… and maybe give me a hug.
“I don’t always know what I’m feeling.”
I’m not slamming doors or going quiet to annoy you.
I’m overwhelmed.
Sometimes I don’t even know why I feel what I feel. But that doesn’t mean there’s nothing going on. I need you to notice the signals. And more than anything, I need to learn how to handle emotions and I’m learning by watching you.
Your emotional intelligence is what teaches me. Not your lectures.
“Please stop comparing me to others.”
My sibling. Your friend’s child. Even a younger version of you.
It makes me feel like I’m not enough.
Like I’m always behind or not quite right.
I need to know that my pace is OK. That your love isn’t conditional on me being easier to parent, more driven, or less emotional.
“Sometimes I’m angry, but I don’t mean to be.”
I’m full of big feelings and zero tools.
I’m not trying to be rude. I’m dysregulated.
I don’t want to lash out but I don’t know how to let it out differently.
Please help me understand what’s going on underneath. Don’t excuse it, but don’t take it all personally either.
“I feel bad about myself more than you realise.”
At school. On social media. In the mirror.
I’m constantly comparing myself — and coming up short.
Make home the place where I don’t have to perform. Where I can be flawed and still feel loved.
Say things that build me up. I need it more than you think.
“I still need you, even when I act like I don’t.”
I might roll my eyes or tell you to leave me alone…
But I still need to know you’re close by.
Sometimes I’m just testing the waters.
Please don’t give up.
“I don’t always understand your rules — I just know they feel unfair.”
I’m not trying to cause drama. But when I don’t understand why, it just feels like control.
If you explain your reasons, I’ll still grumble — but I’ll feel more respected.
It’s not about getting my way. It’s about feeling heard.
“When you talk about me in front of others, I feel embarrassed.”
Even when you’re proud of me, it can feel like too much.
Please don’t share my struggles or stories unless I say it’s OK. I need some control over how I’m seen especially by family, teachers… or on Facebook.
“When you apologise, it teaches me it’s OK to mess up too.”
You don’t have to be perfect. I just need you to be human.
When you say, “I got that wrong,” it shows me I can own my mistakes too. That messing up doesn’t mean you stop loving me and that I’m allowed to repair things too.
“Sometimes I don’t talk because I think you’ll be disappointed.”
I care what you think more than I’ll ever admit.
If I go quiet, it might be fear. Shame. Guilt.
Let me know I can tell you the truth, even if it’s hard. That nothing I say will break us.
One last thing — please remember this:
Your teen might look and sound grown-up… but their brain is still under construction.
They’re emotionally immature, even when they act like they know it all.
They’re stuck in that weird in-between place — not a kid anymore, but not ready for full adult responsibility either. And that’s hard. For them and for you.
So when they push, test, hide or fall apart — don’t take it as rejection.
Take it as a question: “Are you still there?”
Want to go deeper?
I explore all of this — emotions, identity, confidence, and the messiness of the teen years — in both my books:
📘 Parenting Unstoppable Girls
📘 Parenting Teen Boys with Confidence
Both are packed with tools, scripts, and real-life stories to help you feel more confident as a parent — especially when it feels like you’re getting it all wrong.
If something doesn’t feel quite right — if you’re wondering whether this is “just a phase” or something more — let’s talk.
📞 Book your free call with me here
👥 Or join 1,700+ other parents in our free group: Parenting Teens Hub
