Are parents being heard? Different decade, familiar frustrations - why I’m taking my research further
From my master’s research to my doctorate, I’m exploring why parents still feel unheard and what could help schools and families work better together.
You can attend a meeting about your child, answer every question and leave feeling that nobody has really listened.
Your views might have been written down. You might have been asked whether you had anything to add. But did what you said influence the conversation? Did you feel able to disagree? Did your knowledge of your child carry weight?
These questions were at the heart of my master’s dissertation, Are parents being heard?, which I completed in 2017 at the University of Birmingham. They are also helping to shape my developing research interests as I begin my Doctorate in Education at Oxford Brookes.
My master’s research explored parents’ experiences of meetings involving different professionals during the Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) process. Through in-depth interviews with parents, I wanted to understand how they experienced their place around the table. If you fancy a read, you can download it here.
Now, almost ten years later, I’m working with parents whose experiences echo those shared with me back then. Different families, different schools, but familiar feelings of being unheard, judged or held responsible for finding a solution.
It leaves me asking: why do these experiences keep recurring?
There is guidance, training and support available to schools. There are professionals working hard to build relationships with families. Yet parents still describe feeling that, when their child is struggling with attendance, mental health or wellbeing, the responsibility lands back on them: “You just need to get them into school.”
What happens when a parent is already doing everything they can, and their child is still struggling? How do we make room to understand what is making attendance difficult, rather than allowing the conversation to become focused on what the parent should do differently?
These are the questions drawing me back into research. I want to understand what gets in the way of parents and schools working together, and what could help families feel heard and supported when they most need it.
Being present does not guarantee a voice
One of the strongest themes was parents feeling that assumptions had already been made before they had an opportunity to explain their child’s needs. Some described feeling rushed or unimportant. Others felt their concerns only gained recognition when another professional raised them.
When a parent explains something repeatedly, but the same point carries more weight when someone with a professional title says it, what message does that give them about their contribution?
Parents bring knowledge gathered through daily life with their child: what happens before school, what helps when things become overwhelming and what happens at home afterwards. That knowledge adds something essential to the picture professionals are trying to understand.
This is particularly relevant to the questions I hope to explore through my doctorate around emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) and relationships between parents and schools. When a child is struggling to attend, understanding the parent’s experience can help us ask better questions about what is happening.
Confidence can change when it is your own child
The parents in my study described difficulty challenging professionals, even when they considered themselves confident in other areas of their lives. One participant was a teacher. Yet professional experience did not prevent them from feeling unheard when attending as a parent.
This challenges the assumption that parents simply need to become more confident or assertive. Confidence also depends on the situation we find ourselves in.
When professionals lead the agenda, hold the paperwork and use unfamiliar language, parents may struggle to work out when they can question something. They may hold back because they assume the professional knows best, even when something does not feel right.
A quiet parent may have a great deal to say. The conditions in the room can affect whether they feel able to say it.
Why a name can matter
Something that came through strongly was how parents felt about being referred to simply as “mum”. For some, this felt patronising. They felt their individual identity disappeared while everyone else was recognised through their name or professional role.
Every parent will have their own preference, which is why asking how someone wishes to be addressed matters. An introduction might seem a small detail in a meeting about complex needs. But it helps establish who belongs, whose contribution matters and how people will relate to one another.
Using a parent’s name is a simple way of recognising the person who has come to take part.
When support feels like a battle
The parents repeatedly used words such as “fight” and “battle” when describing their experiences. Alongside this was a concern about becoming a nuisance. Parents described chasing responses and asking questions while worrying about how professionals perceived them. That leaves a parent in a difficult position: feeling they must keep pushing to secure support, while fearing that pushing will damage the relationships they need.
Before interpreting a parent’s frustration as unwillingness to work together, it is worth asking what has happened before this meeting. Have they explained the same concern several times? Do they understand the decisions being made? Have previous agreements been followed through?
Their frustration needs to be understood in context.
For me, this raises further questions about how schools understand parental involvement when attendance becomes difficult. How are parents’ concerns interpreted? What happens when parents and professionals see the situation differently? How can trust be maintained when everyone is worried about the child?
These are questions I want to explore further through my doctoral research.
What could make meetings feel different?
My master’s research prompted me to reflect on some practical changes:
Ask parents what they want the meeting to address before setting the agenda.
Introduce everyone and explain their role.
Use parents’ preferred names and explain unfamiliar terms.
Make room for parents to question, disagree and ask for clarification.
Check that the written record accurately reflects their views.
Agree who will do what next, and when.
These are suggestions arising from the research, rather than changes the study tested.
They also sit alongside the pressures professionals face. One parent explicitly recognised the time and paperwork involved. Understanding those pressures matters, alongside understanding how the process feels to the family navigating it.
A useful discussion needs room for both perspectives, with a shared focus on understanding and supporting the child.
Taking the questions forward
As I begin my doctorate, my developing research interest centres on parents’ experiences of EBSA, particularly how their knowledge and concerns are understood within relationships with schools.
I want to explore what helps parents and schools work together when a child is struggling to attend, and what makes that relationship harder.
My master’s research provides a starting point. It encouraged me to look beyond whether a parent had been invited to a meeting and consider how they experienced their involvement. My doctorate gives me an opportunity to explore these relationships further in the context of school attendance difficulties.
I am at the beginning of that process. My questions will develop as I read, reflect and shape the research. But the concern connecting the two pieces of work is clear: how do we ensure parents’ experiences contribute meaningfully to understanding and supporting their child?
Listening does not require everyone to agree. Parents and professionals may understand a situation differently, and those differences need space for discussion. But parents should be able to recognise how their contribution has been considered, including when a different decision is made.
After a meeting about their child, can a parent say: “They understood what I was trying to tell them, and I know what happens next”?
That is a question I will be taking with me.
If you would like to hear more about my interests and research as it grow do email me - I’d love to here your thoguhts!
Take care,
Laura
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